She was my First Love
by its'nayamarierivera'bitch
Summary: Dani was just staring at me, her eyes were so sad. I bit my lower lip and just eyed her, when that single tear fell down her eyes I know that a tear escaped mine too. I knew she heard it . I knew she knew that I'm not going to be with her forever. DANTANA! M for a reason.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So I'll be reuploading this story from my friend's account with the same title in respect of her work.

My love life has a time limit.

It's much shorter than of the others. Way much shorter.

So I have no time to waste.

I have to shine brightly like fireworks in the summer sky. I have to be my best for the people I love. Learn to appreciate what life has given me in a short while. Their hugs and kisses will be the only memory I'll hold on to when I'm gone. I know that.

I have to know that.

I found about this when I was 8 years old. With my little brain to understand those words, with my little hands to clutch on my chest, fisting the hospital gown I was wearing. With that little pain scorching deep inside me, I can't just leave like that. They need me.

She needs me.

"Amazing." Dani breathed holding the stethoscope just right above my chest, her eyes are the usual shining deep crystal brown eyes giving me those butterflies inside my stomach. I know for a fact that I'm just 8 years old, but I know that Dani is my everything. "Your heart's beating really fast." She whispered as she pulled the medical instrument off of me, tugging the buds out of her ear giving me a quite nervous look in the process.

"Wow, doctor. I'm not sure why but…" I answered a little low. As far as I could remember, my heart was beating really fast that moment. It's just Dani and I in my hospital room, it's her usual thing that after my medications she would sneak out of nowhere climbing on my bed with her bare feet, she's my doctor's daughter and since I was here, 4 years ago, she and I became good friends, she would sneak some of my candies and I really don't mind as long as she plays with me- that's how life works when you're a kid, it's that simple to share everything you have but when you get older sharing those things is just a suicidal thing to do.

"What's wrong?" she asked worriedly, inching her face towards mine and I can't help but pull back a little.

"I'm nervous and I have a pain in my chest." I admitted whilst making sure I got my eyes connected with hers.

"That sounds bad." She barely above whisper looking at my chest. "Let's have a look." she concluded with her pale hands clasped together. "Take off your pants." She more of like ordered and my eyes widen in response. "Take off your underwear." She added with a serious voice.

"What?" I breathed with the hesitation dripping in my voice.

"Don't be shy." She smirked and I just shook my head. "I'm a doctor so I'm used to it." She smiled sweetly. I just found myself staring at her, mouth slightly agape.

"So off they go!" she said one last time her hands flying on the waistband of my pyjamas tugging it off.

"No." I whined as I tried to pull her hands away. "Woah, wait a minute." I grumbled.

"Hurry up." She whines back still gripping on my pants.

"What are you examining?" I whined even louder taking a hold of both of her hands.

"I said take them off." She yelled when she managed to pull her hands away and began to tug on my top.

"Nurse! Help!" I shouted when she was almost half way of my pyjamas when all of a sudden she stopped and the whole place was swallowed by the loud explosion followed by the colourful lights illuminating the field just right outside my window.

"Wow." I heard her say when her hands slowly retracted from my pyjamas, her mouth slightly open and her eyes mirroring the reflection just right above us. "San, fireworks." She mumbled awestricken and I just nodded with the same reaction.

It was beautiful.

Dani never waste any second when she gripped me by the wrist and started dragging out my room and ran our way to the rooftop, her little hands gripping mine as we neared the edge, for the first time, that night I never felt any pain in my chest, I almost wonder why. I can breathe freely I even ran by her side. Jumping on my feet as we watched the whole sky turning from blue to red, it was breath taking.

"That's so pretty." She squealed beside me, her hands clasped just right above her chest whilst she jumped with her little feet

"Yea, it is." I cheered happily. "Dan, I'm gonna go get mom and dad." I said excitedly before I get up on my feet with a big smile written all over my face.

"Grab some snacks on the way." She animatedly called over her shoulder.

"Okay." I yelled back and started running down the stairs. It was one of the happiest moment of my life because I get the chance to run and jog all throughout the hospital which been a home to me. I've been here since I was 2 and the idea of being in this place for seem forever seemed cruel for the others but for me this has been the only place that kept me alive.

And keeping me alive.

"Found them." I cheered when I saw my parents talking to Dani's father inside his office. I would usually found them talking a lot, sometimes I even saw my mom crying and my dad drawing small circles on her back and I have no idea why.

"You mean Santana won't recover?" I heard my father's voice say when I was just about to step in, just by that I found myself frozen in my place, and my limbs were no use.

"Of course we haven't lost hope." Andrew's voice trailed and by that all of a sudden the pain immediately burned my whole body. I don't understand. "But please understand that currently there's no known cure." He added and I can even hear the sadness in his voice. "So, this isn't really a cure but her diet and physical activities, these two must be controlled and-"

"But that's just to prolong her life, right?" my dad's strong yet gentle voice cut him off. "If we do those things, how much longer will she live?" he asked a little low, hearing him say those words were like little needles drawing holes onto my heart.

"Don't." it was my mom, with that simple word, her voice cracked. I know she's about to cry, I hate it when I see her cries.

"No, we should know." My dad argued back and I don't think I would even want to hear that, it's just so painful, it's like my chest were about to explode any second.

It was a minute or two of silence, two minutes of my heart being killed slowly.

"Santana's heart won't be able to withstand her body's growth. At this rate,- " Silence. "Santana won't be able to reach 20." When I hear that at first I don't understand anything, those words were the only thing ringing inside my ear. But when I heard someone sniffling beside me, now I understand everything.

I'm leaving before I reached that age.

Dani is just staring at me, her eyes were so sad. I bit my lower lip and just eyed her, when that single tear fell down her eyes I know that a tear escaped mine too. I knew she heard it too. I knew she knew that I'm not going to be with her forever. She knew that I'll just be a simple memory.

My love life has a time limit.

Let me rephrase that.

Our love life has a time limit.

After that moment I felt so weak, it's like I don't think I could move but what they're were doing is just so painful, why do they even have to tie me in here?

"Mom. It hurts." I cried when one of the nurse were trying to keep a hold of my hands before tying it right above my head. "Let go. Please, it hurts so much." I pleaded with the tears continuously flowing, my voice is cracking and yet I don't have enough force to fight back. All I can do is lie here and watch the sun rise and set in front of me.

"It seems cruel but if she moves she might pull out the catheter and bleed." Andrew said and I saw my parents nod with the sign of grief in their eyes, I know that it's hard for them too.

"Let me go, please. I can stay still." I pleaded with my voice cracking. I just don't want this thing around me. All I know that it hurts. "Mom." I cried. "Please.

"I know you can Santana. Good girl." My mom sank onto her knees and her hands flew on my forehead caressing my hair.

"I have to pee." I said when I'm finally a little calmer.

"You're wearing diapers so just pee in here." She said with a small smile.

"I don't want to! You try it, mom! Pee in diapers and have someone change it!" I spat irritably. "I'm not a kid anymore. I can walk through the bathroom and pee myself."

"You're right. You're not a baby anymore." She said with a light laugh and my dad nodded along behind her.

And before I know it, it happened.

"I peed. Please change me." I said lowly looking away. I'm aware that children at my age do not wear diapers, let alone lying in here all day long.

"Okay." She said happily ruffling my hair as she gets up on her feet.

I swallowed dryly as she shuffles on the corner rummaging on the bag of diapers lying on the corner. "I'm sorry." I choked out.

I saw my mom froze holding out a single piece, her shoulders were shaking and there's the light sniffling echoing inside me room. Sobs were shaking her body, I know she's trying to be strong.

"I'll do it, you can wait over there." My father breathed as she held my mom's shoulders. She just nodded handing the wrapper and she went out the door.

He took a deep breath when she's finally out, facing me with new courage, smiling from ear to ear. But when he was just right beside me, he's smile slowly fades away and I can't stop the falling of my tears as I watch him fidget the strap of my pyjamas.

"I'm sorry, Santana." He said with a low voice. "I wish I could take your pain away." Hearing his words brought another pain through my chest causing another train of tears escaped my eyes. "I'm sorry you have to go through this." By that I felt warm that tickles my forearm, he was crying.

I know he was hurt.

"Dani!" I called when my eyes landed on blonde haired girl on all fours rummaging the bushes. The smile that lingers on my lips and those little butterflies flying in the pit of my stomach are only one of those things that Dani does to me.

"Santana! Are you better?"

"Yea, as long as I don't run." I said with a grin when I'm finally two steps away from her. "What are you doing?"

"Can't you tell?" she retorted and I just knit my brows together watching her sitting on the grasses her hands fumbling the lawn. "If I make a wish on a four leaf clover, then it'll come true." She informed me with a wide grin.

"I've never heard that before."

"Well I have."

I hummed in response as I mirrored her actions. "When you find one, what will you wish for?" I asked.

"I don't know yet." She breathed with a pout.

"But you're looking anyway." I mocked still looking.

"Oh shut up! I was bored coz you couldn't play." She said defensively and I just smirked. "Still wearing diapers?" she laughed and I just glared at her. She knows I hate this and she loves to tease me.

"Hey, so if I found a four-leaf clover can I wish for something too?" I inquired.

"What will you wish for?" she asked right away, her eyes were glowing under the gleaming sun, glint of curiosity obvious in her voice.

"To become an astronaut when I grow up." I said loudly.

"An astronaut?"

I nod whilst I got my lower lip between my teeth. "Then Dan, let's get married." I said happily, Dani just stared at me, I really don't know if she has something to say so I go on with my words. "That's my dream. To become an astronaut and marry you. Then work and home would be fun, we could both always be happy." I smiled this time she didn't answer but she looks so broken.

So I gave her one last smile before returning my attention back to the lawn, my fingers were trembling as it met what we are looking for. "Dan, I found one." I cheered but I was shortly cut off when Dani pushes me off of the four-leaf clover and hover it. A questioning look was written all over my face as I watch the sadness empowers Dani's face.

"Please, god of the four-leaf clover! Save Santana!" She yelled on the top of her lungs, her eyes fixated on the clover before her. I found myself staring at her, awestruck. "Don't kill Santana! Please let us be together. Please cure her disease." She added with the tears now gushing down her deep brown eyes. "Please." She chanted and chanted until there's no more voice coming from her.

"Dan." I called.

"Please." She pleaded. All I know that moment is that, I need her to shut up. I need her to just look at me. I need her to just hug me.

With that I get up on my feet and sank right in front of her. _Don't cry-_ is the last thought before I placed my lips over hers, an 8 year old kid shouldn't feel this, but I did. It was amazing, it actually has it's own word to explain this feeling. The feeling of her lips against mine causes the enormous eruption inside me yet I can't bring myself to care.

At that time, I didn't really understand what death really meant

But the world does.

Let me know!


	2. Chapter 2

We'll get married when we grow up.

That's the only thing I've been holding on to.

And now I'm 19. For others they would say that life have just began, how about mine? Should I say, it's about to come to an end? It sounds so funny that I'll be just be waiting for another year and then I'm gone. It's all bunched up inside my head then something popped into my brain. Not something actually, it's someone.

Dani.

"How am I?" I asked a little bit curiously as Andrew's stethoscope wanders on my chest.

"Stable. You're alright." He answers with a smile and I can't avoid the grin that played along my lips.

"Great. Then my seventh stay here is over." I cheered buttoning my blouse. Saying I'm tired would be a joke, because staying in the hospital one week in every month is kind of a bitch but what can I do?

"But come back every two days. Take your medicine. Avoid exercise." He listed off and I just rolled my eyes getting up on my feet. "And oh, no sweets. No salty foods." He added with a single finger pointed on me.

"I know that, you don't have to remind me like every 2 seconds." I said with a little exasperation in my voice. "See you. Bye Andrew!" I said one last time when I'm finally by the door and I can see the small smirk lingering along his lips.

"So you're all grown up now?" he scoffed.

"What can you do?" I called over my shoulder before I walked out the door with the happiness oozing in my chest.

It's the gleaming ray of the sun that let my right hand went autopilot just right above my head blocking it. It sounds odd but I can't stop myself from smiling well more of like grinning when I saw Danielle sitting on one of the bench right outside the hospital, her precious guitar in her hands whilst she got her ear buds in her ears, I'm still wondering as to how she could manage to strum the guitar even she can't actually hear it. That's just weird.

"Danielle!" I called out but she seems busy as I pick my pace towards her.

"Danielle!" I tried again nearing her.

"Danielle!" I yelled when I'm finally right in front of her, and I can see that she's a bit shock with a scowl written all over her face before she plucked out her ear buds and faced me.

"Be nice and call me." she said and I knit my brows together. "'Dani' like you used to."

"What for?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest. "Danielle's your name." I shrugged.

She just stares at me with a pout lingering along her lips. "You were sweeter when we were kids." She added getting up on her feet before slinging her guitar on her shoulder and I just grinned at her.

"Fine. Dani it is!" by that she grinned at me and stuck out her free hand which I took with a small giggle.

"What did Dad say this time?" she asked.

"He said I'm okay, I can go home." I muttered happily and I felt her hand tighten around mine.

We walked in a complete silence when all of a sudden she cleared her throat. I just love the moments like this, where we walk just the two of us and even without words to say we got each other's feelings. "Hey San?" and I just hummed in response.

"Your boobs it's getting bigger." She whispered lowly and I think I didn't hear her but when she repeated it.

"Dani!" I scolded and I pulled my hands to block my rambunctious twin.

"It's really big and your butt too." She informed me and I can't help but laugh whilst she's wearing a guilty face, like she's so sorry that she noticed it like at all.

"Being hospitalized doesn't stop it." I laughed as I intertwined our fingers once again and continued our walk.

"Are mine getting bigger too?" she asked with her voice full of innocence and by that I let out a loud cackle catching other people's attention and I just muttered a little sorry and returning my attention back to her.

"Why are you laughing?" she asked with the same voice. I just stare at her with full adoration, this woman- she's my life.

"Yes, they're getting bigger too." I said seriously before giving her forehead a peck.

"Really?"

"Absolutely." I giggled.

* * *

"Twice the larger of two numbers is three more than five times the smaller and the sum of four times the larger and three times the smaller is 71. What are the numbers?"

The whole room was swallowed by the deafening silence and I can't help but smirk to myself.

"Danielle, you answer it." I can even feel the thumping of Dani's chest echoing inside me ear, I know she hates math. Everybody's eyes were on her and I can see the glint of fear in her eyes, so with my quivering fingers I held my pen even tighter as I recall what the problem was.

"Yes, you. Stand up." Mrs Hagberg's strong voice added and on the corner of my eyes I can see Dani tensely stood. "This isn't difficult, you know." The older woman told everyone spinning around and Dani automatically tapped on my forearm.

"San, help me." she whispered anxiously.

"Fourteen and five." I whispered back keeping my eyes on the board.

She let a shaky breath escape her lips and answered startling everyone. "Fourteen and five."

Mrs Hagberg nodded and Dani smiled. "That's correct." She breathed and I grin to myself. "Excellent, Santana."

Shit.

"It actually took me 15 minutes to solve this question and it only took you- what? Five minutes. So I'm impressed."

"Thank you." I answered lowly; I can feel everybody's eyes on me and also Dani's.

"But you, Danielle." Dani just sighed audibly letting her shoulders relax and yet I know she's embarrassed. "Stop relying on Santana all the time. You're alone during entrance exams."

I bit my inner cheek hearing those words, I know that college and stuff is a bit sensitive topic for her.

"I know that." her voice went out strong and stern, so I can't stop myself from looking at her, she got her brows furrowed and her lips pressed together.

"Okay then." By that she took her seat with a loud thump still my eyes plastered on her.

"Dan." I called in an attempt to console her.

"I'm fine, San." And by that I know she doesn't want to talk about it.

Danielle never said a word when the bell rang, she didn't even look at me or something, in a split second she grabbed her things and bolted out the door. I tried calling her yet it's no use, she's upset and usually times like these she just wanted to be alone.

It was the soft scratching of my heels along with Quinn's voice babbling beside me echoing inside my ear.

"It'll be fun, right?" I heard Quinn say snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yea, absolutely." I nodded and I have no idea what she was talking about.

"You should bring Dani, It'll be so much fun." She suggested and I just smiled at her. She might be talking about this big party everybody has been talking about. "Wait, talking about Dani. Where is she? I haven't seen her since Math." She asked.

I swallowed dryly hearing Quinn's question. "I have no idea." I croaked. Quinn must have sensed the silence in my voice so she just shrugged just in time we reached our lockers.

Almost in unison, Quinn and I snapped our head on the other direction when there's the loud squeal tumbled from wall to wall, followed by the almost deafening splattering of the red liquid on the tiled floor.

My eyes landed on black Jansport bag, black skinny jeans and simple white shirt.

"Nice bra, Dani." It was the last thing that I heard when everything turned black and my heavy footsteps ringing inside my ear followed by the loud thumping of Karofsky's body on the floor. There's the stinging pain in my fist along with the almost unbearable tightening of my chest.

"Fuck! I don't mind hitting a girl, Lopez!" he growls getting up on his feet, his hands flying on the bridge of his nose, where the prickle of blood has been oozing pass his lips.

The hallway went into a complete silence when I just took a single step towards him, my chest is about to explode and familiar coiling in my chest almost scares me yet there's only one thing running inside my head.

"Don't. Ever. Ever. Touch. Her." I stated with my voice lower than normal, it's almost breathlessly for I don't think I can't breathe.

"Then what?" he challenged.

My head starts to spin and I can't even comprehend what he was talking about, last thing I know is that Dani calling my name.

It was the painful streak of light hitting the corner of my face woke me up. My limbs felt heavy when I tried to move and there's still the light throbbing in my chest. It was a lot better compared to what I felt when I was about to strangle David in the hallway. He's so dead. Realising that I was alone inside the clinic I let out a loud sigh.

"Feeling better?" It was Dani's soft voice yet I know she's somehow disappointed with what I did.

"That was nothing. Go change, you'll catch a cold." I murmured curling on the bed.

"Don't worry about me." She answered plopping on the bed next to me. "Don't be so angry. He's just being immature."

"He's a jerk." I mumbled facing on the other side. "He saw your bra." I just about whisper.

"What?" Dani asked a little bewildered.

"Even I haven't seen it." I answered angrily. "They saw it before I did." There was the complete silence and I just wanted to shut up but my mind is not in the same sync with my mouth. "Your pink bra." I added.

"You almost killed yourself for that?" she asked sitting on the edge of my bed, and with a quick glance I saw that there's the playful smirk written all over her face.

"It's an important matter to me. I'm your girlfriend, so I should have been first." I admitted defensively, sitting up. "I always thought I'd be first." I whispered fidgeting the hem of my shirt.

There's the minute or two of silence before she got up on her feet, her arms went autopilot pulling the drapes around us, and I can't help but knit my brows together, watching her standing on the one of the corners.

"Then I'll let you be first." She murmured shyly. "I would've shown you anytime." Her words went out small yet it's the only sound I can hear, almost muting the loud banging in my chest. In a split second my throat felt dry and my fingers tighten on the hem of my shirt. "So promise me that you'll never do that again." She said, locking our eyes and in an instant my jaw dropped.

I wanted to stop her, but it felt like my body froze and my eyes plastered on how her arms crossed and her fingers curling on the hem of her shirt. At the sight before me, immediately my chest rose and fell in a rapid motion in every second that has passed, our heavy, breathy intakes of air thumping in each other's ears.

Dani's eyes were fixed on the floor when she was finally halfway and I can almost see her underboob, and the milky white skin of her stomach. "Hold on!" I gasped, my hands flying on my chest. Dani's eyes automatically bore onto my direction with the glint of confusion. "Wait." I pant. "My chest hurts." Her arms dropped to her side in an attempt to move towards me. "It's not a heart attack. Don't worry." I breathed trying to calm my heart that has been pumping blood gallons of blood through me. "But it hurts. What it is?" I asked fisting the collar of my shirt.

Dani never said a word, instead she just take a deep breath before grabbing my leather jacket and slinging it over her shoulders. "I'm never showing you my body." She breathed and I shook my head.

Fuck!

"What? Why?"

"The excitement might kill you. And I won't risk that." she smiled.

Seriously?

"No! Wait a sec. Danielle!" I whined.

"I'll never show you!"

"Oh come on, Dan!" I whined before running after her.

Squeals and squeaks echoed inside the small room and when I managed to hold her by the wrist, I'll never let her go. There's the familiar warmth of her body when I managed to wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly. I can feel the loud thumping of her chest against mine and I know that she can probably hear mine too, her fingers clawed on the small of my back when I finally pulled away.

Our eyes locked for a moment, and I can't help the instant wandering of my eyes until it dropped to her lips. Reflex, that's what they may have called it when unconsciously I wet my lips and she did the same before I found myself closing my eyes and leaning in.

Fireworks exploded beneath my eyelids when I felt soft pair of lips placed against mine, for a second it just stayed like that. Neither of us moved our lips nor our hands, I just felt her nails digging a little harder on my hips nor yet couldn't I care less. Just feeling the warmth of her lips against mine made that promise scorch deep inside me. With my eyes closed I pulled away, hugging her tight, the vanilla scent of her hair making an exemption in my brain along with the faint cries and sobs I made that night.

Dani, I'd been thinking during my 7th stay at the hospital that if I made it out alive again, I'd give you a kiss. That I'll hold your hand and hug you tight.

And then I'd break with you.

When you're with me you're always crying. Like the way you're always on my mind, you're always thinking about my condition. You're always worried about when I'd die, so to keep you from crying, I have to break up with you while I'm still alive.

"C'mon." I whispered against her ear before lacing my fingers with hers.


End file.
